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10.10.2026. i'm not alone. i have my family. i have my relatives. i have my friends. i have me. but sometimes, it can feel lonely. i miss having a hand to hold. i miss talking about sweet nothings.  i miss having inside jokes.  i miss sharing food.  i miss listening to someone's stories. i miss being someone's "go-to" person, to share something with. i miss thinking about a special moment over and over again, smiling to myself until i fall asleep. i miss giggling and gushing over the little things. i miss looking forward to dates, to anniversaries and even birthdays.  i don't have a particular person in mind. not at all. but i wish i have someone i can call "my person".  i wish i would be comfortable. i wish he won't hurt me whether intentionally or unintentionally. i wish he would hate to see me cry... i hope he won't make me cry. i hope he would treat me well. and i hope i would too. i hope we get to spend a lot of time together and be supp...

10.01.2026. I was talking to one of my best friends, and I dropped a thought (which is a realization on my end, based on my experiences with a past flame). It was about how we should pick someone who really really likes us because I don't want to romanticize everything I shouldn’t romanticize in the first place. It was an innocent and harsh thought. And I didn't realize that she'd get hurt once I hit 'send'. She asked me if I told her stories about my past flame afterwards to make her feel better or because I wanted to share...  It wasn't my intention to hurt her. I said that because that was how I was when I'm with him and the stories are connected. But I feel bad... Even though she says we're all good and there's no hard feelings.... Even when I apologized, I still feel bad... Why am I spiraling now? I have a hunch.  It could be because I never got over this feeling. I never became just "okay" after a conflict, no matter how big or how sm...